Mr. Tyler Wayne: It’s Your Fault
Author: David Markopoulos | Living Education
Mr. Tyler Wayne, who serves as Executive Administrative Assistant for the Church Administration Department, addressed the Living Education students in a recent forum. Based on the book Extreme Ownership: How US Navy Seals Lead and Win by author Jocko Willink, Mr. Wayne began his talk by telling the students an uncomfortable truth: it’s your fault.
It’s Your Fault—No, Really, it is
While tongue-in-cheek, this simple sentence is also an important principle. Mr. Wayne argued that extreme ownership means you have a part to play in everything that happens in your life—in other words, when something doesn’t go right, there is always something that you can do about it. You have a part to play in these situations, whether by how you got yourself into it, or how you react. You can’t control everything in life, but you can control yourself.
You Can’t Control Everything
There are many things you don’t appear to control in life. We all interact with or have teachers, assignments, bosses, coworkers, friends, and romantic interests—all these people and factors are variables that are outside our control. The people around us have minds of their own—our workloads get out of hand, our bosses can be demanding, and we can have conflict with our friends. How should we react when there’s conflict, or things don’t go our way?
Mr. Wayne offered a formula for taking ownership of these kinds of situations:
- “I’m sorry—it’s my fault”
Recognizing your involvement in a problem and be humble enough to apologize for it.
- Say What You’re Sorry For
You must identify and acknowledge the portion of the problem that is your fault.
- What Am I Going to Do To Make Sure This Doesn’t Happen Again?
You must be able to offer a sincere and realistic solution to solve the problem and resolve the conflict.
- Believe What You’re Saying!
In order for these steps to work, you need to be sincere. Not only will others identify a lack of sincerity, but the problem will inevitably continue unless you are committed to doing your part.
Real Applications
Mr. Wayne encouraged the students to practice these steps, and reminded them that they are more than pleasantries—having an attitude of extreme ownership means putting in the work.
When your team misses a deadline, don’t blame someone else (Bob in accounting didn’t get us the report on time). Instead, acknowledge your part, and offer a solution (I failed to communicate; next time, I’m going to give us enough time and communicate with Bob face-to-face).
If you’re frustrated by your parents’ rules (My parents won’t let me stay out late tonight), don’t get reactionary. Instead, try to understand their side of it. (I know you’re looking out for me and I respect your decision; in the future, I’m going to try to be more responsible so you’ll trust me in situations like this more). In situations like these, you may not always fix the issue simply by taking ownership, but part of developing character means that we should learn to do it anyway.
Practice Extreme Ownership
Part of developing godly character means learning to take accountability for our actions, owning up to our mistakes, and even stepping up when it isn’t our fault—but it is our responsibility to deal with the aftermath. There are a myriad of real-world situations that we will have to deal with throughout our lives, and the sooner we learn the principle of extreme ownership, the more equipped we will be to handle difficult situations and life’s problems with grace and integrity.
David Markopoulos is a Living Education alumnus from the 2023-2025 school years. Originally hailing from Chicago, he currently works for the Living Education program.
